What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
