we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
