BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
