wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
