I hate all girls vehemently.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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