I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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