I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You left your phone here
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