and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
