im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
