I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
