I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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