i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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