And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
honey bunches of taint.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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