Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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