are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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