last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
