the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
