whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
