Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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