happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
