just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
