I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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