i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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