i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
nutella sex= disaster
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
