It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
