i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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