If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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