Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
