I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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