Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
