I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
