My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
