I hate your face
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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