I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
