Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
