My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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