I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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