You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
