I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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