I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
