all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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