i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
