Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
false alarm, still single
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize