are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
