Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize