So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
