Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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