i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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