You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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