The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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