You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
