There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
