I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
