you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
