Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
