I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
