At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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