So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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