Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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