...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need a beard to bite.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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