Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
