I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
