she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
