His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
