Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
