just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
