Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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