I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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