i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
