Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
