Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
