We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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