Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
